Fur Is Dead > Features >He's Just Not That Into Fur!

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Not sure whether you’ve found Mr. Right? When you say that you do a lot of “camping” with him, are you referring to the weekends you spend roughing it at home, “camped out” by the phone, waiting for him to call you back? Do you use the excuse that “men are from Mars” to justify the out-of-this-world excuses he gives you for not calling or showing up for a date? If you answered “yes” to either of these questions, take Greg Behrendt’s advice: “He’s just not that into you!”

His new number one self-help book, He’s Just Not That Into You, coauthored with Liz Tuccillo, is sweeping the nation. Recently featured on The Oprah Winfrey Show, the book that coined a catch phrase is a must-have survival guide for single women in the dating world. An acclaimed stand-up comic who was a creative consultant for the show Sex and the City, Greg knows what a guy is really thinking, and one thing that he can tell you about a fellow for sure, is that “he’s just not that into fur!”

In fact, eight out of 10 men are turned off by furry fashion. The fur flies as Greg fields questions from single ladies looking for love:

Dear Greg,
Help! This time, I really thought I’d found the one. I have been dating this guy that I am totally compatible with for three months. He even enjoys going to the opera like me … which brings me to the problem. Last weekend, we had a big date to go and see Aïda at the Met. I went all out. Manicure, waxing, professional blow dry, backless dress, Louis Vuitton heels, and a gorgeous mink stole. When he came to pick me up, he took one look at me, complained of a stomachache, and called off the date on the spot. He hasn’t returned a phone call in three days. It’s driving me crazy! Do you think he might be threatened by my beauty?
—Opera Lady

Dear Opera Lady,
Beauty is only skin deep, but what’s not beautiful is the bloody scalped mink left behind by your stole. The only skin you should ever be seen in is your own, so ditch the wrap next time because it sounds like he’s just not that into fur!

Dear Greg,
I have been friends with this guy since college. Last year, he professed his love to me, but at the time, I was in a relationship. After my ex-boyfriend and I broke up, I caved and started dating the friend. Well, a month later I’m head over heels, when all of the sudden, he cools off. Here’s the sitch—last week, I took him to my favorite little retreat, a cozy little fur farm in upstate New York. The tour was great. We saw how beavers are genitally electrocuted (no blood on those furs!) and how foxes are skinned alive. But he was acting so weird and uncomfortable during the tour, that it almost ruined our date. Afterwards, when we went for cappuccinos, he said that we should take a break. What gives? Do you think I should have continued playing hard to get?
—Hard to Get

Dear Hard to Get,
Your favorite little retreat sounds like a hellish nightmare that would only ever be replicated for the purposes of a horror flick. Unless your “friend” is a sadistic sicko, your idea of watching genitally electrocuted beavers and skinned foxes as foreplay is truly disturbing. It sounds like you need to focus less on cappuccinos and more on compassion, because he’s just not that into fur!